Honey, I’ve been in a lot of different situations, but none like this. I’m listening to your song, Valentine’s day and it’s sad and nostalgic just like I am and a bit scared. (That ain’t what scares me baby, What scares me is losin’ you.) I was thinking of you as I drove in the moonlight to an unknown psychologist Friday night. (I’m driving a big lazy car rushin’ up the highway in the dark, I got one hand steady on the wheel and one hand’s tremblin’ over my heart. It’s pounding baby like it’s gonna bust right on through, and it ain’t gonna stop till I’m alone again with you) These are scary times for us. We look at each other and cry. I still love him Bruce. I’ve heard three times this week about how exuberant girl they used to know has transformed into something else. Something smaller and quieter who walks with her head down. I’ve only been to one appointment but I think I know what’s coming and we’re both scared of it. It’s valentine’s day today Bruce. I made meatballs in wine gravy and brownies. He made me a cd like old times. I’ve had all sorts of dreams lately. (They say if you die in your dreams you really die in your bed
But honey last night I dreamed my eyes rolled straight back in my head ) but after all the illness and obsessions, god knows I love his face and his tender heart. But I feel like I’m dying sometimes. (I woke up in the darkness scared and breathin’ and born anew
It wasn’t the cold river bottom I felt rushing over me
It wasn’t the bitterness of a dream that didn’t come true
It wasn’t the wind in the grey fields I felt rushing through my arms
No, no baby it was you. So hold me close honey say you’re forever mine
And tell me you’ll be my lonely valentine)
What’s going to happen to us?
Michael Leunig wrote:
There are only two feelings. Love and fear.
There are only two languages. Love and fear.
There are only two activities. Love and fear.
There are only two motives, two procedures, two frameworks, two results. Love and fear, love and fear.
Tim said the other day that love is selfless and fear is selfish and that these two elements influence all of our decisions and that my husband’s seemed to be based on fear. Reminded me of another song of yours :
And in which hand he held his fate was never clear
Come Indian summer he took his young lover for his bride
And with his own hands built her a great house down by the riversideNow Billy was an honest man he wanted to do what was right
He worked hard to fill their lives with happy days and loving night
Alone on his knees in the darkness for steadiness he’d pray
For he knew in a restless heart the seed of betrayal lay
One night Billy awoke from a terrible dream callin’ his wife’s name
She lay breathing beside him in a peaceful sleep, a thousand miles away
He got dressed in the moonlight and down to the highway he strode
When he got there he didn’t find nothing but road
Billy felt a coldness rise up inside him that he couldn’t name
Just as the words tattooed ‘cross his knuckles he knew would always remain
At their bedside he brushed the hair from his wife’s face as the moon shone on her skin so white
Filling their room in the beauty of God’s fallen light